


Taking a Step (in the right direction)

by churkey



Category: Teen Wolf (TV)
Genre: Angst, Boyd is a Softie, Derek Hale Deserves Nice Things, Derek Hale Feels, Derek Hale Leaves, Hale Family Feels, Healing Derek Hale, Hurt Derek, Implied/Referenced Self-Harm, Implied/Referenced Sexual Assault, M/M, POV Derek Hale, Pre-Slash, Sex Work, The Alpha Pack, They're seriously my brotp, Trauma, Vernon Boyd & Derek Hale Friendship, Warning: Kate Argent
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-09-18
Updated: 2020-09-19
Packaged: 2021-03-08 04:42:05
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 6
Words: 6,913
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/26529925
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/churkey/pseuds/churkey
Summary: Derek has a decision to make. Two paths before him. Go into the hospital and talk to Peter. Try and get him to acknowledge that he's faking it. Deal with the fallout of Peter murdering Laura (and possibly killing Derek).Or...Or he could turn around, get into the Camaro and leave.
Relationships: Derek Hale/Stiles Stilinski
Comments: 82
Kudos: 295





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

  * For [Scarlett_Liz](https://archiveofourown.org/users/Scarlett_Liz/gifts).



> [eta: Major character death mentioned in the epilogue]
> 
> Fair warning: this is pretty angsty but full of Derek feels. It sort of combines a story I had started and a prompt from scarlettpawprints on tumblr, who wanted to see Derek going off and healing and getting happy---without Stiles' magical dick.
> 
> This fic is inspired by Derek's face in Season 1, ep 5. I wanted a fic that acknowledged just how traumatic and awful this scene is. The entire story is finished, I just need to edit the chapters.

His chest is heaving and he feels panic clawing at his control. _Everything_ inside of him is screaming at him to keep running.

Derek hasn’t seen Kate since the day before the fire. Well, in person at least. He’s seen her in his nightmares often enough. That scene back in the burnt-out shell of his house could’ve been taken straight out of his nightmares.

He can’t help but shudder at the things she’d said…

_This one grew up in all the right places. I don’t know whether to kill it or lick it._

He vomits in the leaves at his feet. Derek’s not sure he can face her again. He’d been doing better. Finally, _finally_ after so many years he’d been doing better.

Laura had been _everything_ to him. She’d been so kind and forgiving after he told her about his role in the death of their family. She’d held him, soothed away his nightmares, and given him the space to heal at his own pace. Just… being there and supporting him.

Then she’d needed to come here to take care of ‘something’. Known he _couldn’t_ be in this place and gone alone.

Now she’d been murdered for her spark—the last of his family’s legacy—and Kate was in Beacon Hills. _He_ was in Beacon Hills _with her_.

He had to get out of here.

But… he’d made a promise to avenge Laura. Buried her in a spiral of wolfsbane, hands burning and bleeding as he wove the rope.

No.

Derek wasn’t going to give up. He couldn’t.

* * *

He can’t believe how out of practice he is with human social protocol. He’d been really bad about isolating himself the past few years; mostly only Laura for company. Once, in high school, he’d been able to play human better.

(Cocky and brash and so so vulnerable.)

Derek’s not stupid. He can see how his inability to find the right words and use the right tone has spiralled this situation to this out of control mess. He’d told Scott that communication was about more than words. His mistake is that he keeps expecting Scott—a newly turned wolf—to understand the language of wolves. Even if Scott wasn’t trying to ignore reality, it’s an unfair expectation.

But, as he’d also told Scott, he didn’t know how to deal with a bitten wolf. Derek’s never been human. He doesn’t know how they think. How they exist within a body with dulled and limited senses. Heck, he doesn’t understand how they can buy into a philosophical theory that says their minds are distinct from their bodies.

(See? Derek _isn’t_ stupid. He knows about Descartes.)

Being so out of practice with talking his thoughts and emotions isn’t helping. He can hear himself talking and trying to explain things to Scott and it feels _wrong_. He knows he’s fucking it up but he can’t find the right words.

Getting angry and breaking Scott’s phone wasn’t a good idea. It wasn’t too long ago that he _was_ Scott. Knows and understands that nothing he’ll do will convince Scott to turn away from her. Just like nothing would’ve convinced Derek.

Derek wonders if that’s part of why he’s clashing so much with Scott. Derek sees too much of himself in him.

Young and naive.

Dating a hunter and believing in love.

Just wanting to be normal and like all the other kids.

All of this drops away when he hears about the alpha drawing a spiral.

* * *

Derek is standing outside of the hospital. He’s scared to go in. At first, he’d come here to talk to his uncle. To confront him.

If the alpha is seeking vengeance…

He wonders if someone else survived the fire. Then he pauses. Literally freezes mid-step with one foot in the air.

Three people survived the fire. One might be seeking vengeance and one is dead. His vendetta started after Laura. Who’s dead. That leaves one person and one person only: Peter.

It doesn’t make sense. It’s also the only thing that _does_ make sense.

They’d thought that Peter was as good as dead. They couldn’t feel a bond to him anymore. Derek _still_ can’t. So they’d left him behind, still too scared of the hunters coming after them to finish the job.

If Peter has regained consciousness… he’d have every reason to kill Laura. You _don’t_ abandon pack. Uncle Peter probably wouldn’t blame Derek because he wasn’t the alpha. But Peter might blame him if he knew about Derek’s role in the fire…

And he’ll figure it out. Uncle Peter was smart. Clever too. Clever enough to continue faking his coma just so he’d have a good alibi. Smart enough to lure Laura back to Beacon Hills and kill her, despite being an injured omega.

Slowly, he puts his foot down but doesn’t take another step.

Derek has a decision to make. Two paths before him. Go into the hospital and talk to Peter. Try and get him to acknowledge that he’s faking it. Deal with the fallout of Peter murdering Laura (and possibly killing Derek).

He’d sworn to avenge Laura but… not if it means killing Peter—his last relative. The one he’d abandoned.

Or…

Or he could turn around, get into the Camaro and leave.

There’s nothing left for him here.

Scott isn’t his responsibility and Derek fucked up his chances of helping him. Scott doesn’t want his help. Has fought him at every turn. Derek doesn’t blame him. But Derek remembers him asking why he should save Derek’s life. Thinks about Stiles saying he’d leave him to die in a ditch. How he had to threaten and bribe them.

All because he wasn’t _nice_.

Then he thinks about Scott saying the Argents must’ve had a reason to kill his family.

So… no. Scott isn’t his problem and he doesn’t want Derek’s help.

Kate Argent is in town and already got her hands on him once. Almost already killed him. He gags, remembering what she’d said.

He has no reason to stay and every reason to go.

Derek makes a choice. Picks his path. Takes a step.

He gets to the camaro and pauses before he gets in. Now that he’s made his decision, he realizes he can’t keep the car. This time—when he goes—he plans on disappearing. He and Laura already planned for this. He has an identity and money already set up.

He looks at the broken window. Derek knows the gas station cameras will have caught Chris Argent’s goon smashing his window. One Hale is already dead.

Why not another?

* * *

“Scott, _Scott_ , listen. I overheard my dad talking… They found Derek’s car by his old house in the preserve. Window smashed in and blood _everywhere_. Like, dude, _so much_ blood. They’re pretty sure he’s dead. They’re looking for his body in the woods,” Stiles tells Scott in a hissed whisper.

“Good! He was a dick and caused nothing but trouble. Maybe shit will go back to normal now that he’s gone,” Scott said with a little relief.

“But there’s still the alpha!” Stiles insisted because he was worried. Derek might not’ve been the most helpful person in the world but they knew that he hadn’t bitten Scott and hadn’t killed his sister.

He was a dick, sure, but he’d been trying to help. In like the most inept way possible but he’d even owned up to that! The fact remained: he’d been the _only_ person they could get answers from. Maybe not _good_ answers but answers nonetheless.

Stiles really hoped they’d be okay.

* * *

Scott is considerably _less_ happy about Derek’s disappearance and possible murder when Allison’s dad gets implicated.


	2. Chapter 2

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> TW for non-graphic description of past self-harm.

Derek can barely remember what it feels like to not be running. He and Laura ran from Beacon Hills. They’d eventually settled down for a few years. Even then it felt like he’d been running from his demons.

Only to return to Beacon Hills… where he came face-to-face with his actual demon. So he ran…

For a long time, he’d felt guilty for not avenging Laura, until he got his head out of his ass and remembered that she wouldn’t have wanted that for him. As his sister and alpha, she’d spent a lot of their time after the fire working on him and his baggage. She’d been kind and gentle and all she’d wanted was for him to let go of his guilt and anger and _live_.

She’d understood why he couldn’t face going back to Beacon Hills. She’d understood and hadn’t wanted him to deal with it until he was ready. Laura definitely wouldn’t have wanted him in the same _state_ as Kate, much less close enough for her to get her hands on him.

One of the things she’d worked hardest for was for him to heal and be happy. Avenging her and possibly having worse done to him by Kate was the last thing she’d have wanted. She’d loved that Buffy quote: “The hardest thing in the world is to live in it. Be brave.”.

Laura would’ve been proud of him for putting his health and safety first, instead of going on some foolish quest for vengeance.

It still felt cowardly but Derek thought he was ready to be brave and _live_.

* * *

A few years after his encounter with Kate, Derek finally stops running in Buenos Aires. He’s not sure why but when he comes to this city—so far from what he considered home—he…

Stops.

He’s tired and all he wants is _rest_.

Stand still and maybe remember what it feels like to have a home.

Speaking Spanish and having money makes it easy to settle in. The people in this city are friendly, far friendlier than they should be with a strange wolf amongst them. Particularly one who looks as disreputable as Derek, with his too-long beard and air of wildness—that has nothing to do with being a wolf and everything to do with running for years.

He’s actually amazed at being even _worse_ at regular human social interaction than he’d been back in Beacon Hills. Sure, he’d been on the run and hadn’t talked with many people but he’d already been bad.

Somehow he managed to be worse.

It was easy to imagine Laura’s gentle teasing about being a boy raised by wolves.

Gods, but he _missed_ her. She’d been the sort of gentle and kind he’d needed after the fire, when he’d been so fragile that it wouldn’t have taken much for him to break. Derek doesn’t think that seeing Kate again managed to break him. He’s pretty sure—cowardice or not—leaving had saved him from becoming something— _someone_ —awful and unrecognizable.

At this point, Derek wants to be the sort of person his mom and sister—his _alphas_ —always thought he could be. He’s pretty sure it’ll be impossible but for the first time since forever, he wants to try.

* * *

Derek tries. It isn’t easy but he _tries._

Now that Derek’s done running, he focuses on not hiding. Well, not hiding in a general sense. He still faked his death and is hiding from hunters, but that’s his life now.

_This_ is his life:

Derek lives in Buenos Aires. He forces himself to go out at least once a day. He makes himself talk to the people he bumps into; re-learning his human social skills. Derek doesn’t really care, at this point, about being as human as possible—like he was raised. He only cares to pass well enough not to draw attention.

He hates that his looks make it easier for him: no one expects a beautiful person to be kind or friendly. Derek hates his face and his body. Hate that it’s this _thing_ that’s caused him so much misery.

It’s the first thing he decides he needs to work on: this feeling like his body isn’t his own because it’s something that other people want to use ( _have used_ ). Something _he’s_ used far too often as a tool.

Derek obsessively worked out after the fire. He wanted to make himself _big_ so that no one would look at him and see someone vulnerable to exploit and hurt. Kate killed that illusion like she’d killed so many things in his life.

Working out had also been a great way to punish himself. Wolf healing means that you have to be… creative if you want to hurt yourself. Continuously pushing his body to the breaking point—and beyond—was one way to do it.

So he stops. Or, well, he focuses on softer physical activities. Watches youtube videos to learn yoga and taichi. Activities that require him to focus on _being in_ his body. Mindfulness or whatever. Derek knows people tend to think he’s stupid because of his face and subpar social skills. But he _can_ research.

Werewolves have to be creative about their mental health since pharmaceuticals aren’t an option. He looks up studies about the effectiveness of mindfulness and figures… why the fuck not? A lot of what shifters are is based in the body and he’ll always crave _some_ from of physical activity. Derek can’t run until he’s sure that he’ll stop.

One day, he thinks—when he’s not so shaky about his looks and body—he’ll go to classes. It’ll be a good way to interact with people. Right now, he knows he couldn’t. Yoga especially. It’s popular amongst women and he doesn’t think he could stomach the lust and arousal he’d scent.

Derek doesn’t know what humans smell and what it means for them. As a wolf, it might the most important sense. This can be a curse, since scent is one of the strongest triggers for memories.

He gets triggered a lot.

It’s a good thing he has excellent control and has learned out to meltdown quietly.

One of the saddest things in the world is how many people have learned this ‘skill’. Derek can smell when someone is sweating with fear and anxiety and panic. Can hear their hearts racing. But with his eyes, he sees people sitting quietly—even as their bodies react like their entire world is ending.

* * *

Slowly… _slowly_ the world starts looking a little brighter. It starts getting easier to leave his place. Talking with people goes a little smoother.

Heck, there are a few people around the neighbourhood who recognize him. Sometimes they’ll ask about his day. Sometimes he asks about their day.

Derek isn’t close to anyone, still far too wary for that. He doesn’t go out looking for sex or date. Not when he’s _finally_ starting to feel comfortable in his body again. Derek’s not ready to feel like an object. He might never be and thinks that’s okay.

He yearns for touch, though. Wolves are tactile but he’s an omega and it’s been a _really_ long time since he’s had a friendly touch.

When it starts to get to be too much, he finds a sex worker. Pays to cuddle them. He always makes sure to pick the ones who aren’t attracted to him—the ones who’re just doing their job. Derek pays well and always is the kindest he can possibly be. He’s not surprised that he’s one of the more popular johns.

(Derek tries not to think about the times he’s used his body as a commodity to be bought and sold. He might be getting better but there are _some_ things he’s just not ready to face. Not yet.)

It’s a quiet, peaceful life.

He’s not happy. But he’s not miserable.

Some days that feels like a victory.


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I know I *could* stagger the chapters but I honestly hate doing that, lmao. I'm a reader too and I *hate* starting WIPs.

Derek knows he’s turned a corner when he starts feeling the need to do… _something_. He’s not quite sure what he’s actually been _doing_ to fill all the hours of the day. The last year or so feels like a darkish haze.

Every day sticking to his routine. Except his routine only takes about four hours… Derek knows he’s been sleeping too much. Body heavy; mind and soul exhausted.

It’s a good thing, he knows, to have enough energy for his hands to itch with the need to do something productive. Derek doesn’t need a job and isn’t interested in getting one. He never finished high school and has never worked.

He supposed he _could_ try to finish school, maybe go to college too. But even as a kid, academics hadn’t been his thing. Too much the jock.

Derek starts with a library card. Reading was never really his ‘thing’ either but he doesn’t really know what his ‘thing’ might be. It’s been a long time since he’s had the time, energy, and opportunity to do something just for himself. Something that wasn’t about surviving.

He likes to wander around the library and pick books at random. Derek doesn’t finish every book he grabs but he tries, at least.

Trying is all he has left.

* * *

He surprises himself by finding a certain love for and joy in math. A math text had been one of his random picks and… it’d been really nice, learning about something so definite and clear. Derek feels like so much of his life has been amorphous and fraught with uncertainty.

Math isn’t like that. It’s certain but complex. It’s easier to appreciate when it’s not being forced on him. Easier still when he can take the time to learn about more than just the numbers and theory. Learn about the history and philosophy. Understand not only the math but its context. Why it actually _matters_.

It becomes something of a passion.

He has to relearn a lot just to reach his former level. He gets there and then he goes past it. Learning the ideas and mechanics; the history and philosophy.

Derek thinks that maybe he should’ve found something less solitary. Something more likely to require interaction.

But he’s an omega and what he really wants and needs is a pack, not friends.

Like so many others, he ends up making some friends online. Other math enthusiasts. Derek enjoys it because these friends care only about his mind. As far as any of them know, he could be a cave troll. It’s possible some of _them_ are cave trolls.

It’s not a life he’d ever imagined for himself but as he starts edging his way towards contentment, he forgives his lack of imagination.

Forgiving himself is a lot easier these days.

He’s getting a lot of practice.

* * *

The next time he’s at the library he catches a scent that catapults him back fifteen years, to a memory of playing with his younger sister. He’s in the woods—pretending not to notice her stalking—lets her pounce on them and they’re rolling in the leaves and dirt, laughing.

“Cora,” slips from his mouth because he’s a wolf and scent doesn’t lie.

He hears a “Derek?” from across the library. Hears footsteps nearing, a thundering heart.

He pretends not to notice.

She pounces.

This time, as the roll around, they’re crying.

But that’s okay, because his baby sister is _alive_ and she’s a solid weight pinning him to the ground.

Her tears fall on his face. It’s like rain but her smile is sunshine.

* * *

Derek drags her back to his place, since she’s been travelling. He makes her dinner and they’re both quiet.

Too busy inhaling the scent of the other. They haven’t stopped touching since finding each other in the library.

They have a lot to talk about. Stories to tell.

There’s time for that later.

They’re wolves and this is what they need: to let their bodies and senses relearn the other.

To howl a song of joy and reunion.

* * *

They do talk, days later. He finds out how she survived the fire and a summary of the years between then and now. Derek tells her the same.

Tells her about Laura. About her death and Peter killing her. Tells her about Kate and everything else.

Cora is pack—still, always, _forever_ —and pack doesn’t lie.

Derek doesn’t ask for forgiveness—he’s finally accepted he doesn’t need it. Doesn’t need the absolution because he’s committed no sin.

She tells him she’s travelling north because she’s heard rumours of a Hale alpha in Beacon Hills.

It has to be Peter. Cora wants to go and Derek will go with her. He let one sister return alone; he refuses to let another. Refuses to lose even a single moment with Cora.

If nothing else, he’s learned how fucking _short_ a life is—how quickly taken.

Derek doesn’t know if Peter wants or needs forgiveness, but he already has Derek’s. Peter avenged their family. Derek doesn’t know why he killed Laura but it doesn’t really matter, in the end.

He’ll always love Laura. But he’s learned to be honest with himself. Her decision to leave Peter behind had been wrong. Sure, they hadn’t felt a bond to him—making them think he was all but dead.

Except…

All but dead isn’t actually dead. Peter had been vulnerable and pack and they should’ve cared for him.

It’s not a reason to kill Laura but Derek understands. He’s only been an omega for a few years and it’s a constant ache. But at least he isn’t healing a terrible injury and stuck in a hospital.

If Peter really is alive and an alpha, Derek’s ready to have a pack again.

He _already_ has a pack again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Not gonna lie... I love that scene with Cora.


	4. Chapter 4

They make their way to Beacon Hills. They don’t rush but they also don’t drag their feet. It’s more… they let the flow of the world carry them there. Use the journey to learn and love the other as they are—instead of the memories of who they used to be.

Derek finds Cora just as easy to love. She’s nothing like Laura or their mom, both who’d been strong in a colossal, patient way. Strong enough to treat the world kindly, despite the hardships they’d faced.

Cora is fierce and more than a little bit wild. She takes Derek’s breath away. Running and hunting with her is thrilling, condensed joy.

Neither of them is much of a talker; preferring to rely on scent, body language, and non-verbal vocalizations. In so many ways, it feels like Derek’s first language. Something he hasn’t been able to share in far too long.

She calls him a nerd for his love of math. He calls her a geek because for her love of video games.

(Cora often makes him play with her… he’s terrible but her teasing is always gentle, despite the ferocious way she tackles life.)

* * *

Weeks of travelling have them nearing Beacon Hills when they run into—of all things—an alpha pack.

Derek remembers the leader, Deucalion, from his childhood. He’s turned into a cartoon villain, as far as Derek can determine from the monologuing and ranting about their mom. He tries to capture them for some nefarious purpose—Derek doesn’t really know or care.

He cares that they’re apparently heading to Beacon Hills—to _Peter_ —who is still the alpha. Still their uncle.

Cora is equally uninterested in Deucalion’s monologue. They attack without warning, moving in sync.

They’ve spent the last few weeks cementing their pack bond. They may not have an alpha (yet) but they’re _Hales_ and they’re _strong_.

The fight shows Derek—more than anything—that the alpha pack isn’t a real pack. The true strength of wolves is in their packs. In their ability to move and hunt together.

The way he and Cora move.

Together they aren’t strong enough to defeat five alphas. But they are strong enough to each kill a set of twins; forcing the others to retreat.

In the aftermath, Cora and Derek pant and look at mirrored crimson eyes.

* * *

It doesn’t change their plans. Rather, they hurry to Beacon Hills—wanting to warn and alert Peter to a possible danger.

Derek is worried about how he’ll be received. He and Peter had been enemies of a sort—the last time they’d seen each other. Although… Peter might not know that Derek figured out he was the alpha. Heck, it’s possible Derek was mistaken.

They follow their instincts to a surprisingly rebuilt house in the preserve, Peter waiting tensely on the porch. His nostrils flare and eyes widen when they step out of the car.

“Cora? Derek? How?” Peter barely manages to sputter out before they tackle him.

He growls aggressively—at first—until he realizes that they’re hugging him, crying like when they’d reunited. Peter’s growl sputters out and then he’s crying too.

Growing up, Uncle Peter had always been sharp and clever. He was closer to Laura’s age and more like a brother than anything else. Or would’ve been, if not for his smug, superior attitude.

It’s the first time Derek has ever seen his uncle at a loss for words. The first time he’s seen the man cry.

There’s a lot to talk about. A lot of things to resolve. Derek and Cora are two new alphas. They haven’t seen each other in a long time. There’s Derek and Peter’s recent history.

Laura.

But Derek’s glad that _this_ is their beginning. Glad to _have_ a beginning.

Especially after he thought it’d ended long ago.

* * *

They warn Peter about the alpha pack. He thanks them for it. Then he gestures to Derek, wanting to talk alone (but not privately… they’re wolves and everyone will hear).

“I killed her,” Peter says once they’re in his study.

Derek isn’t sure who he means, so he makes an enquiring noise in his throat.

“Fair enough,” Peter says ruefully, “Both, I suppose. I killed Laura and I killed Kate.”

It hurts to hear. Derek is grateful that Peter is speaking plainly, something he rarely does.

“I suppose I owe you an explanation–” Peter begins but stops when Derek leans over to nuzzle his neck.

“You don’t owe me. But I’ll listen if you want to share,” Derek says into his neck.

A moment passes, then Peter rests a heavy hand on Derek’s back, “My nurse started letting me out on full moons. They were the only nights, after years of agonizing healing, that I was strong enough to move. She… wanted the bite. She took advantage of my desire for vengeance and lured Laura back. I was half-feral—only rational enough not to run around town, snacking on humans. I caught Laura’s scent and… she’s my niece. I loved her but I hadn’t scented her in a while and I was so _angry_. Still in a lot of pain. I attacked and your sister didn’t fight back. Maybe it was guilt over leaving me or because she loved me but she didn’t _fight back_ , Derek,” Derek wraps his arms around Peter and holds him tightly as his uncle starts crying, “I was weak, body half-wasted from the coma. It would’ve been nothing for her to subdue me, to defeat me and make me submit. But she didn’t fight back.”

Anything else Peter would’ve said are lost to his sobbing. Cora comes in and nestles into his other side. By this point, everyone is crying.

Derek loved his sister. After his mom, she’d been the strongest person he’d ever known. Strong enough to let the uncle she’d abandoned kill her—just to avoid hurting him again. It’s possible she’d even known the alpha spark would fully heal Peter and she’d let him have it. It wouldn’t surprise Derek at all.

After a while, Peter continues, “Becoming an alpha healed me and brought me back to coherence. I sought vengeance for our family. I wanted to tell you, Derek, from the beginning. But I was afraid you’d hate me—like I hated myself—for killing Laura. Then that woman got her hands on you again and your car was found. I thought you were _dead_. That she’d managed to take the last of my family. I killed her in the end. Tore her body to pieces,” Peter finishes viciously.

“Thank you, Uncle Peter,” Derek says, meaning it. The knowledge that Kate is dead and can never hurt him again is a relief. He’s nearly dizzy with it. Derek’s lived with that fear for so long it’d become a part of him.

This time it’s Peter pulling Derek into his arms. Offering comfort and scenting him. Cora presses close and it’s _pack_. The one thing he’d longed for and never thought he’d have again.

Derek’s just glad he’s reached a point where he believes he deserves this. Five years ago, he wouldn’t have let himself have this. Would’ve let guilt and anger push them away.

Only a few weeks ago, he’d been fairly content and even that had seemed unreal. This very real chance that he could be _happy_ again?

Derek finds himself again needing to forgive himself for his lack of imagination.

He thinks he’ll be okay if life keeps surprising him with the possibility of being happier than he can imagine.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Whatever, so they cry a lot. I was having a lot of Hale family feels!
> 
> I don't even care if any of this makes sense, I'm giving Derek all the good things!


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Derek + Boyd = Brotp!!!

Settling in and down with his pack and family wasn’t as easy as he’d hoped. Sometimes Derek laughs at how, even after everything, the foolish optimist he used to be is still there, still inside.

More than anything, it’s how he knows Kate _didn’t_ break him. Because he can still look to the future and _hope_. Look to the future and believe it’ll be easier and better than he can imagine.

Settling in isn’t the bad kind of hard, though. It’s good. Like change and growth. He can feel himself expanding and his heart growing and the stretch of it all hurts but it’s a relief all the same.

One easy thing is sorting out the hierarchy. He and Cora returned to Beacon Hills as alphas. But they’d come looking for the rumoured Hale alpha and neither of them are interested in leading the pack Peter built. They just want to be a part of it.

Sometimes they clash and fight, an alpha’s need to dominate flaring up. They’re only brief, momentary things. Then Derek or Cora will submit and it’ll be over.

Derek doesn’t care that even as an alpha and Peter’s oldest nibling he _could_ be the second. The position is already filled and Derek won’t challenge for it. The pack’s second is off at college and all he wants to do is settle in and bask in having a pack again.

Figure out how he fits in.

Cora had joined a pack so it’s only Derek who spent years as an omega. As much as he’d craved and longed for pack, he finds he needs solitude more than he did before. Derek gets a loft in town, somewhere he can have a little space and distance when he needs it. He always spends the night at the house, though. Nothing in the world is more comforting than the sounds and scents of his pack all around him.

Derek gets back into a routine. He’s better (so much better even before finding his way back home) but it’s a work in progress. Now that Derek’s pushing past content and happiness is on the horizon, he wants to make sure he _gets_ there.

* * *

The alpha pack doesn’t come to Beacon Hills. It’s easy to see why… they’d (at best) been hoping to find a somewhat weak and evil Peter willing to kill his betas for power. It wouldn’t have worked, of course. But Cora and Derek killed two of their pack and became alphas… If they came now, it would be three against three. Not very encouraging odds.

Before the fire, the Hales had been respected. Peter has already started ensuring their name would still be. That the last remaining Hales are _all_ alphas who could co-exist in a single pack was going a long way to solidifying their reputation.

Derek figured it’d be a long time before anyone tried to challenge them. A good thing since Derek didn’t want to get into any fights. He’d let go of most of his anger and honestly just wanted to live happily ever after with his pack.

He figured that he’d had enough conflict and trauma for three lifetimes. And, for the first time in a long while, he actually believed he deserved what peace and happiness he could find.

His life right now was about finally, _finally_ letting go of his past. About focusing on his present so he could build a better future.

And right now? Things were _good_. Getting to know Peter and Cora again was… every gift he never thought he’d get. He can’t say it made it all _worth_ it but it made it bearable. Made it easier to let go. What they have now is different. The Hale pack is different.

But it _lived_ and he’d change and grow with it; not look back to an idealized past.

Getting to know Peter’s betas is another balm to soothe away his sorrows. They were _pack_ , sure, but they were also new people he could get to know. New people in his life that he could trust and open up to. A way to gently sand away the last of his solitude and isolation.

He likes Erica and Isaac. Derek will admit he… shied away from Erica at first. She was blonde and beautiful with a wicked sense of humour. It brought back memories. But Derek refused to hold a pack member at length. So he slowly chipped away at the memories and trauma. Slowly got to know her because—other than surface details—she wasn’t anything like Kate.

She might be fierce and sharp but she was tender in ways Kate could never be. Erica was subtle about it but she sought and craved approval. She liked to be praised for her strength not because she wanted to use it against others but because—after a lifetime feeling weak—she loved her body and the freedom it gave her.

It was that, more than anything that got Derek to love and let her in. Erica derived such wild, unrestrained _joy_ from being a wolf. Watching her and knowing her made Derek feel some of that joy. It was something he’d needed—his work towards loving his body had done him well and this felt like the last step. Because Erica made him remember all the great things about _being_ a wolf. The physicality and the joy in that.

Derek was closest to Boyd, though. He gave Derek someone to be alone with—so that he wasn’t alone at all. That was only at the beginning, though. Boyd was incredibly intuitive and sensitive. Perhaps the most sensitive to the pack bonds and their chemosignals and body language. Quiet with Derek because he’d needed it.

But when Derek had started wanting more… Boyd opened up. So slowly and gently that opened with him. They’d talk. And talk. And then talk some more. Boyd was the first person Derek had—in far too long—who he could talk about his feelings with. Boyd did the same.

Derek’s not embarrassed by the number of times he cried himself to sleep in Boyd’s arms. He knows Boyd isn’t ashamed when he’d done the same with Derek. Boyd was probably Derek’s favourite person—who isn’t family—to touch. He was always so sweet. So gentle. He never pushed and never smelled like desire.

Best of all… he was bigger than Derek. He’d spent so much time after the fire trying to make himself as big as possible. With Boyd though… he could feel small _and_ safe. It wasn’t something he thought he’d need or want. And yet… Boyd would cage Derek on the bed, rest his bulk on Derek, weight pressing him down.

Like… a blanket made out of pack. Warm and cozy. But also safety and shelter.

It was Boyd, really, that helped Derek take those last few steps and _let go_. Derek felt the weight of years of trauma falling off of him but he remained anchored by his packmate, solid arms and body keeping him close and safe.

He’d pull Derek to his feet with a solid, strong grip. Run both hands down his arms, scent-marking, and then… step away. Just a single step. So Derek could understand and feel and _know_ that he was _here_.

In the present.

Standing on his own two feet but not alone. No longer alone.

That he could do this. Stand here. Feel strong. But also know that if he was weak, if he stumbled, his pack was right _here_ with him, to grip him tight and hold him close.

* * *

It was the last step. It was the first step.

He was happy, content. But that isn’t a destination—it’s a journey.

A path he’d chosen to walk years ago, standing in front of the hospital. A choice to make. Two paths to follow. One of vengeance. One of survival.

Not survival in the purest sense. Derek’s sure he would’ve _lived_ either way. No… it was the survival of Derek—the wolf—that hung in the balance. Because he knows—without a doubt—that staying would’ve _destroyed_ him.

Knows that even one more minute in the hands of Kate would’ve shattered him. The _core_ of him. Leaving only broken shards and the shell of a wolf who’d once been Derek. Son to Talia and brother to Laura and Cora. Nibling to Peter.

Instead… he’s here. Taking his first steps as the Derek who chose survival (who chose himself). He took the time to carefully mend himself as best he could. Derek doesn’t think he’s ‘healed’—doesn’t think he’s done mending—but that’s okay.

He’ll take the time and do the work because—at long last and beyond belief—he loves himself again. Believes he deserves it. Believes that he’ll get there. Or he won’t.

It’ll be okay, he’s on the right path. Pack at his side.

He only needs to take a step.

Then another.

And another.

It’s all he needs to find happiness and joy in the world again.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm aware that I didn't write about Isaac. This fic is pure self-indulgence and I wanted to make everyone soft. Except puppy!Isaac is everywhere and I couldn't think of anything interesting with him (probably because I don't like him and what he represents).
> 
> I think I have a bit of a Thing for Boyd and Derek cuddling. Blanket made out of pack? I *need* more of this.


	6. Epilogue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Maybe I could stagger the chapters more but when I'm done a story, I just want it out of my hands and mind, so I can move on...

Derek’s happily walking down that path when his uncle’s second comes home for the summer, college year finally done.

It’s a shock.

He would’ve never predicted that the irritating kid who’d lied about not being afraid of Derek would be one of his uncle’s betas—much less the second. Particularly since he and Scott had been against Peter for biting Scott in the first place.

Of course, Scott’s the key to understanding it all. With Derek gone, Scott hadn’t had _anyone_ to help him, besides Stiles. Who’d done his best but hadn’t been able to stop Kate from killing him after she’d watched a lacrosse game. Years of hunting and she _knew_ how a werewolf moved. She’d tried to use Scott to lure Peter and had ended up killing him.

Stiles had been young and angry, so his solution was to turn to the murderous alpha werewolf trying to kill the woman who’d killed Scott. He’d offered himself up as a beta and Peter accepted.

Hunting Kate together had been how Stiles bonded into the pack. Derek listened as Stiles talked about him and Peter leaning on each other to move past their grief and rage. It’d apparently been messy and only gotten messier when Gerard showed up. Although, the man hadn’t even been close to a match for their combined wits.

Peter had always been sharp and clever. Stiles was equally so. They’d handled Gerard with alacrity and it’d been what they needed to really start working to build a pack they both needed.

* * *

Stiles has grown up to be a man Derek likes and respects. Time and experience smoothing away the sharp edges of youth.

Such as it is. Stiles is still… _Stiles_. He’s still the kid who got into a police cruiser, boldly declaring that Derek didn’t scare him—heart pounding out his lie, but still looking Derek in the eye. Still the kid who wondered if he should leave Derek to die in a ditch.

Still fiercely loyal and intelligent.

But he’s also learned patience. Learned to think (at least a little) before he speaks. Still sarcastic but his words no longer cut.

His eyes twinkle with mischief but the mischief is always harmless and fun for everyone.

It puzzles Derek just how well they fit. Everything about them should clash and yet…

Boyd is his best friend.

Stiles is… something.

Something Derek isn’t prepared for. Not yet.

It’s another step he needs to take. It hadn’t seemed relevant before.

Derek finally feels motived.

So he takes a step.

* * *

A step is only a step. Incremental, not life-changing.

No one knows about this step, this part of the journey is for him alone. But he’s on the path.

Derek doesn’t rush.

(Stiles doesn’t push.)

Derek doesn’t know why but he’s grateful that whatever Stiles is (or could be), he isn’t attracted to Derek. Never smells of lust or arousal. It makes it easy to get closer and closer to him.

Gives Derek the chance to learn who the man is (accept who the man _could be_ ).

He’s happy and barely notices the passing of time. It’s been a year, maybe two, since Stiles came back into his life. They’re friends and Derek loves him.

Derek doesn’t date because he hasn’t since…

Stiles doesn’t date and Derek doesn’t ask.

* * *

Then comes a day when Derek catches a faint trace of arousal in Stiles’ scent. And.

And…

The scent of it is… delightful. It draws Derek in, makes him want to get closer.

So…

He takes a step.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Okay... so I took us up *right* until that moment when this would go from pre-slash to slash.
> 
> On purpose. This fic---as discussed/requested---is about Derek's journey to being healthy and happy. Stiles is a non-essential part of that by design.
> 
> I like to think of Stiles as being that cherry on top of Derek's happiness sundae. It doesn't make or break the sundae but sometimes it's nice to have (if you like that sort of thing).


End file.
